Here's the scenario: Your young son or daughter has been invited to a friend's birthday party. You know this family to some degree and are aware that their eating standards aren't the same as your family's.

The party will likely include white-sugar and food-dye cake, chips, pop and candy in the goodie bag, all foods which are standard no-no's in your own home.

What do you do in this situation?

1. Remember that birthday parties like this happen only occasionally, you eat well at home 90% of the time, and allow your child to eat freely at the party.
2. Try to fill your child up on good, whole foods at home, prior to taking them. Remind them on the drive that the foods that will be served aren't ones that will keep their body healthy, and that while it is ok to accept a piece of cake when offered, they should try to avoid other junk foods if possible, and look for better options (fruit or veggies, crackers and cheese, etc.). (And if you're with them at the party, this becomes easier to enforce).
3. Stay at the party with your child and bring along your own snacks. Inform the hosts prior to your coming that your child won't be partaking of the food offerings, and that you will be bringing them food from home instead. Tell your child that the foods at the party are yucky, and feel free to get into a discussion with the other parents at the party about why your child won't be eating along with everyone else.

Last week I was reading a book I picked up on sale while on summer vacation, but haven't gotten around to reading yet. It's called The Great Physician's Rx for Children's Health by Jordan Rubin. I have previously read and enjoyed The Maker's Diet (it was quite influential for me in my real food journey, actually). I knew that he would have solid information and suggestions, geared towards children's health in particular.

I was surprised to be so immediately turned off within the first chapters of the book, however, by the "holier than thou" attitude that I perceived in Dr. Rubin's and his wife's approach to shielding their young son from the dangers of processed foods. When their 3 year old son was invited to a birthday party, they came prepared with all of their own snacks from home.

He even proudly states at one point that their son has never eaten anything in his entire life that they do not consider to be "real food" (nothing processed or refined, no pasteurized or homogenized dairy products, no commercially raised grain-fed meat, no white sugar or table salt).

I'm not quite sure what world they live in, where they are able to have such complete and utter control over every single thing that ever enters his mouth- has he never been to a relative's home with different eating habits or to another family's home for dinner? Have they never been on the road or on vacation and needed to simply eat the best they could with the restaurants and choices that were available?

But I digress... back to the birthday party.

I know this is a hard area to deal with. I don't like allowing my children to eat processed, refined, toxic foods in the slightest. It makes me cringe, and as their mom, it's my job and responsibility to steward their health and train them in their eating habits.

Yet, as I've said many times before, people matter more than food.

Personally, I would opt for something along the lines of option #2 in the birthday party scenario, sending them with a full tummy and some words of wisdom, yet allowing them to graciously accept something celebratory like a piece of cake to enjoy with their friends. When I accompany them to parties, I encourage them towards the better options that are available, and allow them very limited amounts of the not-so-great options. But that's just me.

(And I'll even confess that although I'm usually the mom that makes the "weird" homemade spelt carrot cake with cream cheese icing colored pink with raspberry juice, this year I came down with an awful flu and was completely debilitated the day before my daughter's 7th birthday. We bought a store cake, for the first time ever. Sometimes, life happens, and my husband and I both felt that it was a priority for our daughter's party to continue as planned, whether mama was up for baking healthy cakes or not.)

I'm curious (and yes, I know this might spark a heated debate, so let's just use our big-girl words and keep it polite)...

What would you (or do you) do in this kind of scenario? How do you balance celebrations with others, while still guarding your child's health and nutrition?

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By Contributing Writer, Brandy Ferguson

As a homeschooling mom of seven, and now getting ready to meet our eighth son in a matter of days, I've never been busier in my life!

With so much on my to-do list added to my already full schedule, I admit to having moments of brief panic in which I think to myself, "what if I don't get it all done before I go into labor?" or..."what if the boys' rooms look like THAT when the baby arrives!?!"  or..."what if I don't get the freezer filled with homemade food in time?"

I have to stop myself, almost on a daily basis and just...

breathe.

Because while I do have a lot that I would like to have accomplished, things that would definitely be a blessing to me and my family, the reality is that it is going to be okay.  Most likely, I'll carry this baby all the way to 40 weeks PLUS like I usually do, which means I still have three more weeks to achieve my goals, but if the baby comes earlier and I don't get to all these tasks, then it's alright.

I don't know about you, but the nesting thing is a very, very real and intense thing that I experience toward the end of pregnancy.  Mother Bird knows her Baby is about to hatch and that nest must be pristine and perfect.  It must, at all costs, be in order.  No clutter, nothing in disarray, all rooms organized and ready.

image credit

Sometimes it becomes an internal battle of sorts, as a mom of a large family.  Because the order in my head doesn't always match what I see around me.  Sometimes I forget that not everyone in our family, especially my brood of all boys, is in super-nesting-mode like me.  Sometimes I see the mess around me or the list that still has things to do on it and I start to lose perspective.  And I have to remind myself again....It's going to be okay.  Breathe.

Because, first of all, it's not like the baby's going to care. (Of course, I still will.)  And second, it's not fair to my family for me to be stressed out about something that's pretty silly in the grand scheme of things.  And most importantly, if there's ever a time to make sure my children feel loved and special, it's right before they're about to meet another new sibling.

Now having said all that, I will still try to prioritize and enlist help from my family to accomplish a few very key things like:

• sorting and washing newborn clothes, socks, baby blankets
• taking apart the infant carseat, washing, and reassembling
• making sure extra sheets and towels are clean and ready for our homebirth
• cooking and freezing as many meals ahead of time as possible

And after those things are done, if we are still waiting for our sweet bundle to arrive, I'll tackle more of those organization projects that seem so important to me right now. Those projects include purging the boys' rooms and closets, reorganizing the schoolroom, and cleaning out the toy boxes.  It would be nice to get to the coat closet and master closet, too, but I'm trying to be realistic here.

In the meantime, staying focused on getting rest and good nutrition as I try and prepare my  mind and body for birth is still a top priority.  I started taking my Alfalfa, Red Raspberry Leaf, and Evening Primrose capsules today in preparation for labor and delivery.

This is such a sweet, special season, these final weeks of carrying my baby, a time for really slowing down, looking around me at what I've already been blessed with, and savor it all the more.  There really is no need to stress about "the list" or "the mess" or anything else.

Because all that will matter in just a few short days or weeks is going to be that we're all here.  All ten of us.  Together.

Who cares about the list?

What about you?  Do you experience nesting at the end of pregnancy?

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Written by Natalie Klejwa, Contributing Writer

I'm not a child expert or anything. I've had a few babies. I've learned over the years that there is a lot of paraphernalia out there you could purchase or register for to get ready for your new family member, but most of it is completely unnecessary and a total waste of money.

This is my list of the good stuff that I have not regretted purchasing, and some of it I have only recently discovered. I wish I had read a list like this when I was starting out. I'm certain it would have saved me money, headache, and clutter.

Getting Ready for Mama

You need a few things to get through those first few weeks of nurturing a newborn! Here are the basic necessities for Mama:

• Lansinoh Lanolin This is the only thing that solves the cracked, bleeding nipples problem of a nursing mama in those first couple of weeks. The nurses will tell you that you won't have cracked, bleeding nipples if you "nurse right".   I'm fairly certain that's a lie. You very likely will, and for two weeks it will be toe-curling pain. But...just because it hurts to nurse the first couple weeks doesn't mean your nipples have to crack and bleed too. Just apply it to your nipples after every feeding. When I faithfully use lanolin, I avoid a lot of extra trouble. You really don't need it after the first month...but save it for the next baby!

• Wool Nursing Pads Don't bother with disposables. They are crackly and uncomfortable. (Who wants to put paper next to their breasts?) I used cotton pads for several babies, and it was better than disposable...but now I'm turned on to all wool pads. They are expensive, but you only need two pair, one to wear and one to wash, and they will last for all your babies. They soak up a lot of milk, are warm, naturally anti-bacterial, and very comfortable.

• Setting Their Hope in God by Andrew Case This is the book I use every day when I pray for my children. It is simply Scripture written into powerful prayers. Diapering them, feeding them, rocking them to sleep, stimulating their brains...all good things. But the most important time you will spend each day is the time you pray for them. If you want to raise young adults who follow hard after Christ...you'll need the power of God at work in their lives. Start praying now. It will change your own life too! (The Kindle version is only $.99!!)

Image by Caitlinator

Getting Ready For Baby

• White Noise Machine This seriously helps babies sleep better and longer. Think about it. They are used to the white noise inside your womb, and then all of a sudden they're exposed to the total quietness of large, empty spaces. Sudden noises can be very startling and unsettling. If you can make the transition from the womb to the world more seamless, you will be doing yourself and your baby a huge favor. In our home, our rambunctious kids make enough "white noise" to suffice during the daytime. But at night, both Baby and Mama sleep better with the sound of our white noise machine. A loud fan will also do the trick.
  

• Aden & Anais Cotton Muslin Swaddle Wraps Once I discovered these little lovelies, I threw out my hundreds of flannel receiving blankets I had collected over the years. These wraps are stretchy, light, and offer a bundled "feel" while still allowing the limbs to move slightly...as if they are in the womb. Because they are light material, they won't overheat your baby. I found three to be plenty, but I do laundry every day when I have a new baby. If you don't have much laundry in your life, you may find that you need a few more for those times when your newborn spits up and has blow outs on them. As I recall, this is a daily occurrence in the life of a newborn.

• Hanna Andersson Night Night Baby Sleepers Other than 10 white, onesie t-shirts, you don't really need any other clothes. I usually buy mine used on Ebay...but my babies have LIVED in these for the first year of their lives. They are soft, comfortable sleepers and adorable, cozy play suits all in one. This brand is by far superior to any other brand I've tried. The zippers are so much better than snaps as far as ease of diaper changing, getting on and off. I don't recommend buying things with snaps or buttons unless you are looking for things to do with your time. (Clothes with collars are also troublesome on a baby.) The cotton is super soft, high quality, and lasts for several babies. Other brands get holes in them or wear through...are thin...too fitted...etc. You can try to save money by going with an inferior product (believe me, I've gone that route more times than I care to remember), but you will end up paying the same price in the long run.

• Cloth Diaper Stash I realize not everyone is a cloth diaper mama.  That's OK.  I adore cloth diapers, and have had a lot of fun trying different kinds, but I've really settled on Bum Genius as my favorite brand.  I loved using the all-in-one pockets for a few years.  Now I'm using the Bum Genius All-In-One Elemental Organic with snaps.  It took a while to get used to the snaps concept, but now I like not messing with pockets and velcro.  I've found 15 to be the perfect number to last for two days.  You have to wash them every 48 hours anyway, so there's no need to be storing more than that.  These will not work for newborns.  I've just used disposable for those newborn days, but I did break down and buy 12 Fuzzi Buns x-small pocket dipes for this next baby while he/she is in the newborn stage.  Mainly because the right cloth diapers handle those newborn blowouts (you know...the ones that go all the way up the back and out the top...somewhat like a volcano?) more gracefully than disposables.

• Ergo Baby Carrier Everyone has their preference when it comes to these. There are some wonderful carriers to choose from!  I would not go with a cheap brand unless you want to ruin your back. Might as well get a high quality carrier, use it for all your babies, and be happy. I'm not as excited about the Ergo for the newborn stage, so for my next baby I'm planning to try a Moby Wrap for those first couple of months. I bought mine from Simply Nurtured (owner, Courtney Dunkin, in a contributor here!)

• Bouncer Seat.  You can't NOT have one of these. If you are trying to save money...skip the swing and just get the bouncer. (Some of them are actually a bouncer/swing in one!) I really like the vibrating bouncers...they usually put a fussy baby to sleep in a pinch. (Wish they made them for big people...)

• Lullaby CDs My personal favorites are An Angel In My Arms by Pearl and Serene, Hidden in My Heart: A Lullaby Journey Through Scripture 1 and 2, Bedtime Prayers: Lullabies and Peaceful Worship by Twila Paris, and Sleep Sound in Jesus by Michael Card.

Image by em 140

Planning for a Growing Baby

• Activity Jumper  I use this from about 4 months until my babies are almost 2! They love to jump in it...and it is a great place to put them when you are doing family devotions with the older kids...or when you want to "contain" them for a period of time (maybe when you are making dinner...)

• Gym Little babies LOVE these. They learn to reach, pull, bat, and grab. You can get cheap ones with no bells and whistles and just add your own toys to them with some links. I use mine every day from the time my babies are about 1 month until they are old enough to crawl away.

• Pack and Play We've gone through three of these over the course of 8 children, mainly because we use them every day until our children are into their toddler years. They are great for travel, playtime, visiting relatives, etc. We even use them as a toddler bed if our toddler type isn't quite ready to transition to a bigger bed when the new baby comes home. HERE is a link to a nice, big square sized one. I'm expecting our ninth baby in a couple of months, and since we are in need of replacing our older, very rickety model, we're planning to get the Graco Modern Pack-N-Play Playard with Changer and Bassinet.  I like to "hole up" in my room with a new baby for a few weeks, and because my current youngest will only be 21 months old and still in need of using our crib in the nursery, this model will enable me to have a changing table and "bassinet" in my room with me...with the added bonus of a future pack and play...all in one.

• Play Yard This is similar to a pack and play, but provides a much larger play space. Once my babies are crawling, this goes up in our family room. It enables the kids to play with the baby in an enclosed area, ensuring that the baby will not crawl off and get into danger. We put this up outside, at the beach, etc. It is one of those contraptions that we definitely could NOT live without. Right now, we have our old pack and play in the play room downstairs so our 19 month old can play "with" the other kids and be safe, while the Play Yard is currently upstairs in the family room where he is safely contained when the kids and family are up in that area.

While there are countless other fun looking, necessary sounding gizmos and gadgets all designed to collect your money and supposedly bring you and your baby happiness, I've found these to be the indispensable items that we use on a daily basis in our home.

You may have noticed a lot of things...like baby bathtubs and baby towels, bumbo seats and nursing pillows...are missing.  I've just found those to be more of a hassle than a help, and storing all the equipment can be tricky if you live in a small space.

Keep it simple on your budget, your storage space, and your sanity, and just enjoy that miraculous bundle of sweetness straight from heaven!

What are your "necessities" for a new baby?

Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links.

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It was nearly one year ago that I first began to share about my experience with burnout.

Last January, I shared very candidly about the circumstances and lifestyle choices I had made that had pushed me to a place of spiritual, mental and physical breakdown. It was undoubtedly one of the hardest times of my life, and yet I have learned so much and come so far since that time, that a friend encouraged me to share what my journey out of burnout has looked like.

A Timeline

This is sort of an bird's eye view of the journey that I've been on:

• August 2009- Birth of third child
• Fall 2009- Began a season of challenging life circumstances, and did not allow myself to rest and recover from birth, but instead pushed myself too hard to keep going, started writing a new book, and landed myself in the hospital with a serious infection
• Winter 2009/10- More family health issues (mostly my husband), lost several family members to cancer, travelling for work.
• Spring 2010- Frantically trying to complete my 2nd book, prepare to launch a new website, attend another work conference, and move into a new home.
• Summer 2010- Launched second website, moved, tried to keep up with gardening and preserving, all the while beginning to experience early signs of burnout and depression.
• Fall 2010- Realized that I was really becoming undone, started admitting that I needed help, made a plan to sell my new website, but still pushing myself as we began the new homeschool year and I kept up with both businesses.
• Early Winter 2010- Finalized details for selling website, began to make plans for rest and recuperation in the New Year.
• Winter 2011- Website officially sold in early January. Started Wellness series here on Keeper of the Home. Began reading as much as I could on depression, adrenal fatigue and spiritual depression. Started to allow myself to rest, began taking supplements and eating specifically to heal my body, and significantly cut back my schedule, both work and personal. Took a 2 day personal retreat.
• Spring 2011- Starting to feel that the fog is truly lifting. Energy is returning, after 2 months spent doing very little but resting. The spring sunshine helps a lot. I continue to try to give myself more grace to rest and recover, and undertake a one-week physical cleanse to rejuvenate my body. Prepare to go to the Philippines with Compassion International.
• Summer 2011- Travel to the Philippines (an amazing trip), return home to discover that my friend who was battling cancer is now terminal, and also that I am newly pregnant with #4. Spend the summer trying to rest, doing the bare minimum in the home, grieving and spending time with our friend and especially her family after she passes in July. Realize that although I am better in so many ways, I still don't have a lot of extra reserves for taxing circumstances.
• Fall 2011- Energy is returning with the pregnancy. Spend some time working for our family music school, in addition to my business, but this time my husband and I make a plan for extra childcare and household help, and I postpone starting homeschool until my work load lightens up. Perhaps I'm learning a little. :)

Caring for Myself- a Novel Idea That Actually Works

This brings me to these past couple of months, during which I have continued to find new ways to keep a more manageable schedule and do things that keep my body and spirit healthy.

I signed up with the Hello Mornings challenge, to give myself the added inspiration to get up early for exercise and regular time with the Lord. This was one of the best things I did this fall. I had to force myself to go to bed earlier as much as I could (always a good thing).

The physical exercise was so refreshing and has helped me to remain mostly comfortable and energetic as I pass the 30 week mark in this pregnancy. The regular time with God each morning was simply healing and life-giving. I needed it so much more than I knew.

I've been careful to ensure that I am getting enough irons, minerals, cod liver oil (fatty acids and Vit A and D), among other things throughout the pregnancy, like eating enough protein and trying to drink plenty of water. I also did a 2-month sugar-free diet (along with a host of other food restrictions) to help heal my gut and reduce Candida yeast, which I know has been helpful. I don't succeed every day at doing/eating everything I should, but being as consistent as I am able to really does make a noticeable difference.

Balancing Blogging with Life

Learning to balance blogging work with life has also been an important part of my journey. Here are a few things that I have given up:

• Most social media. I am still on Twitter, Facebook, and Pinterest, but my participation level is very, very minimal (5 minutes per day or less, and sometimes not at all).
• Writing as often. I have brought on more writers over this past year, and this has been such a good decision. They add so much amazing knowledge and unique perspectives, and writing only twice per week (for KOTH- I do some other writing as well) is manageable and enjoyable for me.
• Doing it all myself. I have increasingly been hiring work out, like design or technical work, and have added a fabulous Virtual Assistant, Lindsey, to the KOTH team.
• Book writing. I took a year and a half off of writing anything beyond my blog and a few online articles for other sites. No new book projects, until just this past month when I took on two small projects that I felt I was finally ready for.
• Working during the day. My goal is to not get on my computer before noon (except for checking in with my Hello Mornings group and putting up the newest post on Facebook). Other than that, I aim to spend my mornings exercising, doing devotions, serving breakfast, and then homeschooling. This has been immensely helpful. Instead, I work on Tuesday afternoons (with a mother's helper), in the evenings after the children are in bed, and just recently on Fridays when my husband is able to be home with the children, and occasionally pop on to check email in the afternoons. I try to avoid doing much on the weekends as well, and no more crazy late nights or early mornings.

Has All of This Really Made a Difference?

In a word, yes.

I wouldn't say that I am back to the ideal place that I would like to be, healthwise. I am probably back to functioning at about a 90% capacity, but compared to those times a year ago when it was more like 20-40%, that is a vast improvement.

I still occasionally struggle with mild depression. I still sometimes push myself too hard and begin to feel that burnt out feeling. I can tell when my stress levels are too high, because I begin to sleep more poorly, find myself irritable and emotional, and get eczema on my hands. I'm more aware of how I am doing, and am quicker to take steps to make things better.

There's a reason this post is about my journey, not simply my recovery. It is truly a journey, one that I am definitely still on.

I have learned so much through this experience:

• I really, honestly cannot do it all. Not even close.
• I need to be far more dependent on the Lord than I ever realized before.
• It is not a sign of weakness to ask for help.
• It is not a sign of weakness to need to rest.
• When we pick up extra things, something else has to give. The equation doesn't work if we constantly add, add, add and never subtract.
• Caring for my physical body and my emotional health is not selfish. It enables me to care for my family from a place of wholeness and strength.
• Life is meant to be enjoyed, something I still struggle with. But it is a very good and God-given thing to have fun, to laugh, to take delight in people and experiences and the things that He has given us.
• Our bodies are intricately and wonderfully made. The Lord often uses our health to speak to us, if we're willing to listen.
• No amount of personal productivity, or success in meeting my own goals, or even doing "good" things for others, is worth damaging my relationships with God or my family for. Ever.

Thank you for letting me share my story, both last year and now. I am thankful and humbled to be in community, not only with the women in my "real" life who have loved me so well, but also with all of you. So many of you shared your stories and struggles so vulnerably as well, and it is a privilege to walk this journey with you.

Have you ever walked through a season of burnout? What have you learned about keeping yourself healthy, and what actions do you take when you feel yourself becoming unbalanced?

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Written by Natalie Klejwa, Contributing Writer

Ever wake up in the morning overwhelmed with all that needs to get done that day?  You want to pull those covers over your head and pretend those loads of laundry, that dirty kitchen, and those hungry children aren't waiting for you.  I've been there too many times to count.

Other mornings I've had the experience of waking up rested and peace-filled, to a quiet house, a clean kitchen, and a manageable routine awaiting my oversight.  What makes the difference?  That's what this post is all about!

1. Get a Good Start (Starting the Night Before!)

There are three keys to a great morning.

A good eight hours of sleep the night before

I'm pregnant with our ninth, so I've had many a sleepless night in the past 18 years.  You won't always get to have #1 because it's not in your control!  But there are other seasons of life when it is tempting to burn the midnight oil.  I always regret those late nights the very next day.  It's so much better for our bodies, minds, and spirits to hit the sack by 10:00 at the latest. That sleep before midnight is the best, so grab it whenever you can.  By 6:00 the next morning, you'll be feeling like a million bucks, and you'll be able to energetically and enthusiastically accomplish so much more.  (And a cup of coffee doesn't hurt either!)

A picked-up house

Make a "Whole House Pick Up" part of your children's pre-bedtime routine each night.  You can assign "jurisdictions" for each child, OR you can all sweep through the house together as one big team, picking  up everything in sight like the Cat in the Hat.  It doesn't take long...and boy, does it make a difference in the morning to come out to your main living area and be able to see the floor.  A good friend once shared this tip, "Your home can be dirty, but if your floor is clean and picked up...your home will LOOK clean and picked up."

Time at the feet of Jesus

This is critical.  Women have told me, "That's so legalistic."  Is it legalistic to eat three meals a day?  No.  We do it because it keeps us alive and we crave it.  It's part of life. Is it legalistic to regularly get together with your best friend and communicate your heart?  Of course not.  We do it because relationships are important to how God made us a human beings, and because we long for them.

If you are a Christian, your spirit needs to eat to thrive and stay healthy.  We feed on the Word.  Your spirit needs that relationship with its Creator.  We pray to exercise our faith and to have the mind of Christ Himself as we pray His Word into the lives of those we love.

Your joy will be in direct proportion to the time you invest in feeding your spirit and enjoying the King. We don't "do it" because it's "the rule".  We do it because it is the way to ultimate inner joy and satisfaction.  It's Christian hedonism!

This doesn't mean that you will always be able to have chunks of uninterrupted time with the Lord.  There are seasons when we will need to "grab" moments here and there throughout the day...Bible open on the counter top...maybe a prayer guide ready and available.  I love those prayer guides especially when I'm post partum and my brain is mush from sleep deprivation.  The point is, spend some time with your Savior.  It is critical for a healthy life.

2. Eliminate Distractions

There are plenty of time wasters vying for your attention, just hoping to steal your precious time and drag you down.

• Television
• Internet surfing (the kind that lacks purpose)
• Time on the telephone just "shooting the breeze" for no good reason
• Shopping just for fun (this includes online browsing)
• Absorbing "all the latest" trivialities on Facebook
• Reading pablum (women's mags, novels, other purposeless entertainment)
• Fill in the blank here...because we could go on all day with this list

Big Caveat Here: We've all done these things.  We're human.  And I'm not trying to be a kill joy...I'm just stating a fact.  If you spend portions of the 24 hours allotted to you in your day on these activities, you will have less time to be productive.  It's a trade off.  It's a simple choice: I either want A. or I want B.  Most of the time, I can't have both.  Want more time to be productive?  Avoid time wasters.

So, then, be careful how you live. Do not be unwise but wise, making the best use of your time because the days are evil.  Ephesians 5:15-16

3. Plan to be Productive

Keep a running list of the things you want to accomplish.  It can be as simple as a notebook with a list that you cross off, or it can be as "serious" as an official planner where you have the weeks and months mapped out with your priorities and goals.

I do both.

I keep a running list on a white board where I write down anything and everything that comes to mind while I'm about my business.  (I'm 45...if I don't write it down, I'll never remember it again.)  Then I have a detailed planner where I organize that list into the days/weeks/months ahead.

I am currently home educating 5 of my 8 children, running a home business, and facilitating a ministry blog.  It is necessary to plan ahead in order to accomplish the goals I have for those major responsibilities.  The more you plan to accomplish, the more you will accomplish.  No, you won't always get to everything, but you've heard the saying, "the person who aims at nothing is sure to hit it."

4. Make a Routine Work for You

A routine is your best friend.  Everyone has their own unique groove.  Find yours and stick with it as much as possible.  I say "no" to a lot of "extra stuff" that other folks are doing.  Summers are the exception, but during the school year, we don't do a lot of running around.

Not every day works out to be my "ideal", but I strive to go to bed at 10:00, get up at 6:00, get ready for the day, head down to the laundry room to throw a load in (this is my secret to staying on top of laundry...do a load a day), have my time in the Word and in prayer, make breakfast, greet the children, hit the school books, make lunch, put littles down for naps, fill orders and do some writing, make dinner, oversee evening chores, put children to bed, get organized for the following day and answer e-mails, and then it's back to bed at 10:00.

Fridays are special...my mom comes over to play with the children, and I take one of the kids with me to get groceries and eat out for lunch.  Then I have some time alone at Barnes and Noble to write.  (I'm there right now doing this post!)  Saturdays are chore/home project days.  Sundays are days of rest.  Sometimes we have a family from church over.

Simple, yet productive.

5. Little by Little

As homemakers, we find we are doing thousands of little things every day.  But it's the little things that add up in the end!

• If I'm going upstairs, I quick look around to see if there is anything that needs to be carried up there with me and put away.  There always is.  Same for traveling down stairs.
• I never leave a room without doing one thing to make it look a little better.  Straighten the curtain.  Throw that underwear down the laundry chute, put the pillow back on the bed.
• If I see a doo-dad on the floor, I pick it up.  I have a basket to collect doo-dads.  Do you?  The kids have to go and organize them later.
• All my best ideas, reminders, and plans occur to me when I'm in the shower, making the bed, or stirring a pot of boiling water.  I write them down on the white board the first chance I get.  Then I put them out of my mind.  I hate a brain full of things swimming around taunting me, "You're going to forget me...you're going to forget me."
• If I am forced to make a phone call...I put away the dishes, fold laundry, or stir a pot of boiling water while talking.
• The point is...if you keep moving...you will keep accomplishing things.  Remember Dorie in the hit Pixar movie, Finding Nemo?  "Just keep swimming, swimming swimming..."  Little by little...you'll get there!

"Determine never to be idle. No person will have occasion to complain of the want of time who never loses any. It is wonderful how much can be done if we are always doing."    ~Thomas Jefferson

6. Recruit and Delegate

Hey, if you've got kids,  you've got a team!  Get them excited about being part of the family "game plan".  They should have their own routine that includes cleaning, picking up, laundry, and organizing...every single day.  As they get older, they will be greater assets...and accustomed to these things as being a normal part of "life".

Our kids have daily duties, weekly duties, and monthly duties.  Because we have so many of them at all different stages, I basically don't do any house cleaning anymore.  This has freed me up to focus on other projects, thereby accomplishing even more! Start when they are little, and not only will you reap some wonderful benefits, but they will be ready for life on their own as disciplined, productive individuals.

7. Trouble-Shooting the "Bad Days"

There are seasons of life in which your "productivity" level will be sovereignly limited.  I've spent almost 2 years of my life on bedrest.  While I did not accomplish much by human standards, God used that time to teach me the value of contentment, quietness, and satisfaction in Him alone.

When you are pregnant or post-partum, you will not be able to achieve the same level of productivity.  Rather than bemoaning your very normal fate, why not embrace it as God's perfect plan for your life right now?  Surrender and be at peace.  It's so much more pleasant that wallowing in despair.  Don't use it as an excuse to watch more television.  Use that time to sleep more, read more, sit with your children more, dream for the future more.  It's a wonderful place to be!  It all depends on your choice of perspective.

When illness or tragedy strikes your family, that's a time for hunkering down and doing the minimum.  Healing needs to take place, and that takes time and emotional and spiritual energy that can be very draining.  Whenever I am in a difficult place emotionally, and motivation to fulfill just the basic duties of life eludes me, I remember Elisabeth Elliot's wise advice: "Just do the next thing."

By God's grace and in His strength, I can do that.

What strategies help you to have more efficient and productive days?

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Written by Kate Tietje, Contributing Writer

Last month, I wrote about dealing with challenging behavior.  I wrote out my absolute best intentions in that post -- how everything would be in a perfect world.  I'd be happy and patient and I'd mete out discipline lovingly, and there would never be any yelling or crying in my home.  I'd have an endless ability to deal with whatever my children threw at me, and I'd never let their antics destroy my positive attitude.

If you've been a mother for more than five minutes, you might be laughing right now, because you know that's impossible.  Only Jesus was perfect.  The rest of us?  Well, we fail daily.  I fail daily.

And that's okay.

Motherhood Isn't Perfection

I almost feel bad, writing all of these lofty thoughts here, about how I'm striving for joy and to have a positive attitude and to be a patient mother.  I'm afraid I'm one of the most impatient people out there, really, and that I don't manage to keep my perfect attitude all the time.

I intend to do well. Really.  But sometimes those intentions turn into looking back at the thing I shouldn't have done or said, and reflecting on what I should have done or said instead.  Oops.

I tell myself as the noise level rises -- with all the children crying, screaming at each other, smacking each other -- that I will not let this get to me.  I will rise above it.  I will separate them calmly and I will distract them, I will talk to them and listen to them and meet their needs, and everything will be okay.  Sometimes that's what happens.  Sometimes one of them turns on my newborn and hurts him, and I lose it.  I can't stand to see the defenseless one hurt, and if my stress level's already high?  I break down.

Then, for a few moments, I feel like the worst mother in the world, because, really, what am I doing?  Here I am, preaching about patience and having a positive attitude and loving our children no matter what, and I just screamed at one of mine?  Not to mention how the child now feels.  I've had one of them sob, "But I love you..." when I was short and snippy and in a bad mood.

I fail.  Everyday. I have good intentions and I strive to meet them, but I still fail.

I Need Grace

The Lord's grace is sometimes the only reason I feel that things are going to be okay.  Sure -- most days aren't that bad.  Most days are pretty neutral, with a few negative (but not terrible) moments, and mostly good moments.  We're okay.  But we have those bad days, too, where all I can do is pray for grace.

What a wonderful gift that it is, too!  It's the main reason that my children are getting to know the Lord, even though I'm still struggling to find my way as a Christian mother.  It's the main reason they love me even when I am not especially pleasant to be around

I was trying to explain the concept of the Lord's sacrifice and resulting grace/forgiveness to my children a few weeks ago. It was a Friday night and we'd been listening to praise and worship songs while we worked in the kitchen for awhile.  I decided to try to explain Jesus' death and resurrection, since one of the songs was about it.  It's something I've heard about all my life and I often think, Yes, sure, it's so awesome... But I don't feel anything.  It's something I've always known.

But when I tried to explain it, I found I could barely even talk.  I wanted to cry. It was that amazing.

Not that my kids really get it yet.... :)  They are 2 and 3.5, so they're quite young.  My 2-year-old now walks around saying "Jesus killed.  Jesus back.  YAY!  Pay sins."

Imperfection is Good

The other day, my 2-year-old walked up to me and smacked me in the face.  I pushed him away and said, "You get down right now.  You can't sit with me if you are going to hit me like that."

My 3-year-old matter-of-factly said to me, "Mommy, it's not nice of you to treat him like that."

She was right.

It wasn't that it was wrong to tell him he shouldn't hit me.  He needed to know that part.  But he didn't need me to compound it by pushing him away, yelling at him.  So I replied, "You're right, it's not.  Mommy shouldn't do that, and I'm sorry."

They need to see that we are weak, and that we need forgiven, too.

When we make mistakes as mothers, we need to humble ourselves and admit it to our children and ask for their forgiveness. I struggle with this.  I don't want to be humble.  I don't want to be wrong.  I want to say whatever I do is justified because "I'm the mommy."  But that isn't true.  If I can learn to be humble and ask them to forgive me, then they will grow to do the same thing.  They'll know it's okay to make mistakes, and better to ask for forgiveness.  And they'll know they are loved even when they make those mistakes.

I think, when we are raising children who are also imperfect people, that this lesson is even more important than trying to be perfect all the time in the first place.  We're not.  What does it teach our children if we pretend that we are?  I think it makes them see us as hard, unfair, proud.  It also could make them feel like they are the only ones who fail.  Whatever happens, it's not good for their relationship with us or the Lord.

I'll be imperfect, I'll thank the Lord for His grace, and I'll strive to do better everyday. That's all I can do.

If you need a reminder, please join our link-up this month, Positive Attitudes and Living for Joy, each Friday!

Do you ever feel hit by how much you need the Lord's grace?  Have you ever had a child say something that made you feel especially humble?

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Written by Kate Tietje, Contributing Writer

There was one morning early in my third pregnancy when I was still exhausted and I was attempting to sleep just a little more after my kids got up.  I would leave my bedroom door open so I could hear them, and they would go get a snack.  Most of the time this worked out fine -- they'd sit in their playroom, or come back and sit next to me in bed and have a snack, and I'd hear them if they needed me.  Within 30 minutes I'd get up and we'd start our day.

But on this memorable morning, they didn't come back upstairs right away. I kept hearing what I thought was the vacuum downstairs.  I wondered how they could have even turned it on (we don't keep it plugged in, of course), and I kept telling my 3-year-old to go turn it off.  She said it was off.  I finally got up and went downstairs.  This morning they'd chosen to play in the kitchen.  They'd dragged their "learning tower" (a safe wooden structure for kids to stand in so they can help in the kitchen) over to the sink area, apparently to get bananas.  The sink was plugged and on and overflowing all over the kitchen.  The blender was on (the base alone, not the canister), which was the sound I'd thought was the vacuum.  And the grains I'd had sitting out to sprout had been thrown all over the floor.

My eyes went wide, and I remember screaming, "CLEAN THIS UP, RIGHT NOW!"  Oh, the things children do....

Kids are Creative

They cried.  I screamed a lot.  And we cleaned it up.  Well, I cleaned it up.  They were overwhelmed by the mess and didn't know where to start or what to do. It wasn't a good start to our morning, for any of us. They had just been trying to get a snack and I had just been trying to catch a little extra sleep.  I was still feeling exhausted and frustrated.

I can laugh about it now.  And about many of the other ridiculous things they've done.  Here's the message I've taken from all of it: kids are creative.  If you don't entertain them, they will find a way to entertain themselves!

That morning they thought using plastic cups and entire bottle of soap to make bubbles in the sink was good entertainment.  They thought adding some grains to the mix was even better.  And the blender?  They may have hit that by accident because the bananas were behind it.  I wasn't awake to supervise and help them find appropriate entertainment, so they found a way to stay busy and happy!

Realistically this was my fault.

Changing Our View

It's so easy to look at kids' behavior and just feel frustrated and angry. Why do they do these things?  Why do they have to make a mess or be destructive?  One of my children will rip any book or item that she doesn't like.  Another likes to push and hit people and scream "No!"  (he's very, very "two" right now.  Although I'm told he actually is nice to the other children in church, he is apparently just mean to his sister!  It's a sibling thing.)

But if we are going to survive having young children and the creativity that they have, we need to change our mindset.  When my children spill water in their playroom because they are pouring it from cup to cup, I do ask them to help clean up -- but I see how they've created an awesome game.  If they get magazine bits all over the floor because they've been cutting out their favorite pictures, I see that they're doing an art project.  No matter what they've done, I feel happy that they are never bored and that they are able to entertain themselves with anything.  They've used their shoes as "people" arguing and playing, and their current favorite "toy" is a set of felt squares!

I'm proud of their creativity.  Sometimes that comes with mess, and I accept that.  I would rather see the situation positively and enjoy and appreciate the games they come up with, rather than get frustrated with the mess they've made.

Children Need Us

There have been times when my husband and I have wished our kids would take naps, or play quietly, or otherwise "leave us alone" just for a few minutes so we could finish making dinner or folding the laundry.  This just results in a lot of frustration and repeated pleas on our part, "Please go play already!" while they cry and beg us to talk to them or play with them.

It's not always possible, of course; sometimes we have to get dinner on the table!  But as much as possible we try to include them in what we are doing, or talk to them while we are doing things. And we try to remember how much they love us and need us, instead of being frustrated that they always need us, or need us right now when we are busy taking care of other things. To push them away constantly is truly to show them and their needs disrespect.

Attitude is Important

All this boils down to, attitude is so important. I've been convicted in the last several months that my attitude isn't so great sometimes, and that I need to change that. If I look at situations negatively, then I get angry and yell at my children and treat them unfairly.  I spread my misery around.

If, instead, I take a minute to take a deep breath and remember how creative and awesome they are, then I can handle the situation calmly and be happy.  I can praise them for their creativity and then direct any necessary clean up calmly.  I can invite them to help me instead of asking them to leave me alone.  I can talk and listen to them.  I can spread joy, at least most of the time!

That's my new goal: to watch my own attitude and try to spread joy instead of being frustrating.  My children sure aren't perfect, but neither am I (boy do I need grace!).  And they are truly amazing little people who do make me very happy most of the time. I feel joy more often now and I think they do too.

Join Me in a Challenge

In October I'm issuing a challenge to everyone: work hard on your attitude, to be happy and spread joy no matter what is going on around you. I'll be posting a linky every Friday so that bloggers can join me if they like.  Each week I will share all the reasons I've found to be happy each day, and all the ways I've specifically set out to spread joy -- no matter what else has happened.  There is always a reason to be happy, even if some days it is only because you have God's promise of salvation!  And that tomorrow will be another day and another chance.  Will you join me in striving for a positive attitude?

How do you strive to be a purposeful, joyful mother even when it's tough?

Top image by Franklin Park Library

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This post is not intended to diagnose or treat any symptoms.  If you feel this is something you are dealing with, it’s very important that you talk to your doctor or midwife about it as soon as possible.

Typically when women find out they are pregnant, there is excitement and anticipation for their upcoming bundle of joy.

But what happens when those feelings of excitement are masked by feelings of overwhelmedness, anxiety and depression?

My Experience

I found myself in that situation recently when my husband and I learned we were expecting our third child.  I suspected I was pregnant fairly early - at about 4 weeks.  Not too long after that, I started noticing that I was far more impatient and irritable than usual and that I just didn’t feel like my usual self.  These feelings seemed above and beyond the typical changes that happen during pregnancy.

I didn’t feel like doing things that I usually really enjoy.  Writing and blogging, for example, became suddenly very difficult and more of a chore than a hobby.

I found myself withdrawing from my friends and even my husband.  I realized that I preferred to be alone most of the time which is pretty atypical for me.  And I felt so anxious!  Anxious about the baby’s development, anxious about the delivery, anxious about the months following the delivery.  You name it and I probably worried and fretted about it

The worst came when I realized, upon waking in the mornings, that I was discouraged before even getting out of bed.  I dreaded that I had to face another day of morning sickness and sad, anxious feelings.  Day after day I wanted to pull the covers up over my head and sleep - sleep until this whole mess was over and I could be “normal” once again.  That’s when I knew that I needed help.

Having these anxious and depressed feelings doesn’t mean that I don’t want my baby. In fact, nothing could be further from the truth.  I am excited about holding my sweet little one, seeing what he or she will look like and getting to know that new little personality.

But, discouragingly, I find it difficult to enjoy those joyful feelings with all the other negative thoughts swirling around in my head.  And all of that in addition to the typical discomforts of early pregnancy. I find myself being discouraged that I can’t just be happy, and that creates a cycle of guilt and negative feelings which is difficult to defeat.

I also realized that I had to overcome the stigma of depression, especially in my own mind.  Even though it is more widely known and understood than ever before, I still struggle with these feelings because I feel like it is a weakness that I should be able to easily “fix”.

Even now, I feel embarrassed and ashamed to admit, even to myself, that I’m having these feelings and emotions. I don’t want to be depressed, but the more I tried to ignore it, the more depressed I became.

Depression during pregnancy?

Most people are familiar with post-partum depression, which is a type of depression which affects new mothers in the year following the birth of their baby.  Doctors and midwives take great care in asking their patients, who have recently delivered, whether they are noticing any symptoms of post-partum depression brought on by the sudden change in hormones after delivering.

Depression during pregnancy, called antenatal depression, is much less well known. In fact, I’m not sure I even knew there was such a thing until it happened to me.

Now as I look back, I can see signs of some depression and anxiety during each of my pregnancies.  I also struggled with post-partum depression but didn’t realize that until after the birth of my second child.  My symptoms and the effect of the depression seem to be getting worse with each pregnancy, perhaps because it went unnoticed and untreated for so long.

Image by ::coco Rina::

Symptoms of antenatal depression:

In addition to the normal effects of pregnancy such as fatigue and needing to sleep more, you may be suffering from depression if you have some of these symptoms as well:

• Persistent feelings of sadness
• Lack of interest in hobbies and other favorite activities
• Difficulty concentrating and making decisions
• Persistent feelings of anxiety and anxious thoughts
• More irritable and impatient than usual
• Anxiety about the pregnancy and delivery
• A sense that nothing seems enjoyable or fun anymore, including the pregnancy
• Thoughts of death or suicide

What causes antenatal depression?

Similar to post-partum depression, antenatal depression is thought to be triggered by sudden and intense hormonal changes.

Other factors that might contribute to antenatal depression are: a personal or family history of depression, relationship difficulties, stressful life events and problems or complications with your pregnancy. However, there is still much that is unknown and needs to be researched in this area.

Image by dizznbonn

Treatment for antenatal depression

Whatever the cause, the important part to focus on is the treatment of antenatal depression. Even while pregnant there is much that can be done, with the help of qualified doctors and midwives, to ease the symptoms and have you feeling back to your normal self again... well, your normal pregnant self.  :)

Simply knowing what you are dealing with is often half the battle.

Once I finally acknowledged that something was wrong and I talked to my doctor, I felt better.  I knew what I was up against, I had a treatment plan and so I felt better, if only because I felt that I was being proactive. Wallowing in depression will only drag you further down.  But facing and fighting it head on will help you to keep moving, even on the most difficult days.

Establish a strong support system.

With the help of my husband, my mom, my sisters and some close friends, I have a strong support system of people I can call upon when I’m feeling low.  Talking through my thoughts and feelings always helps and often it’s just nice to talk about something other than the difficulties and depression.  Surround yourself with people who love you, support you and those you can make you laugh. Laughter is very good medicine!

Try therapy or counseling.

Since I recognized these feelings somewhat from my earlier pregnancies and post-partum experiences, I knew they were severe enough this time that I needed some help.  I found an excellent counselor who practices not far from my house.  The first time I went to visit with her, I was nervous.  What if I didn’t like her?  What if she didn’t like me?  What if she told me I was making all this up?

Of course I had nothing to worry about and I left her office that first day feeling 10 pounds lighter.  I’ve found it nice to have a professional opinion about all those negative thoughts swirling in my mind and she has some excellent suggestions for me on how to deal with those thoughts. I feel that I’m building up a tool belt of ideas that I can use to address the anxious and depressed feelings I find myself having.

If worse comes to worse, there’s medication that can help.

Honestly, I really struggled with this decision and it weighed heavily on my mind for some time.  My doctor felt that my depression was severe enough to benefit from the help of some anti-depressants.  But during my previous pregnancies, I rarely even took so much as Tylenol so I felt really guilty for considering anti-depressant medication.

After much prayer and discussion with my husband, we decided that the benefits outweighed the risks.  For one thing, stress hormones are not good for you or for your baby and I was certainly generating more than my share of those.  In addition, I did not feel I was being a good mother to my other children in my depressed and anxious state.

For these reasons we decided it was best for me to take the anti-depressant medication and my doctor recommended one that has been proven safe to use during pregnancy.  It’s a very personal decision that must be made with the help of qualified doctors or midwives and also with much thought and prayer. What’s right for one isn’t right for all but it’s nice to know that there are options should the depression and anxiety be severe enough to warrant it.

Some Additional Thoughts

• Don’t be ashamed if you are suffering from depression.  Unfortunately, depression itself can often cause you to feel that you are weak or that you should be able to control your feelings better.  This may result in comparing yourself to those who do not suffer depression and assume that they are doing it right while you are doing it wrong.  These things are false.  Depression is real and it is not your fault.  The first step to feeling better is not being ashamed to do something about it.
• Don't be afraid of therapy. Unfortunately there is also a stigma in our culture surrounding therapists.  But I can tell you from experience that they can bring a huge sense of relief and help both to give you the tools to help you deal with depression as well as help you to realize that your problems are normal so that you can stop blaming yourself.  Do a little homework to find a therapist that will be able to help you in a way with which you’re comfortable and then get help!
• Don’t blame yourself. As I mentioned earlier, it is common to have feelings like “this is all my fault”, or “Other people can handle this situation, what’s wrong with me?”.  Toss these feelings out.  One of the things I’ve learned from my therapist is that, just because I feel a certain way doesn’t mean that it’s reality.  If you give yourself a break and stop beating yourself up, you will find a hidden reservoir of time and energy and peace.

I’m now over 11 weeks pregnant and the weeks leading up to this point have definitely been a roller coaster.  I do wish that I could have a glowing, happy, anxiety-free pregnancy.  But for one reason or another, it’s just not that way for me.

I’m learning that it’s best for me to look forward and remind myself that although these times are difficult, they won’t last forever.

Have you been depressed while you were pregnant?  What are some things that helped you to cope during that difficult period?

Stephanie's note: I am so glad that Stacey has written this post and I definitely encouraged her to share what I think is a very important, and yet very vulnerable, topic. As always, I'm leaving the comments open for anyone, but I just wanted to ask that as this is a more sensitive topic to many, please be gentle and thoughtful in how you word your comments. Thanks so much!

Top Image by karindalziel

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Have you met my friend, Kat? Allow me to introduce you...

• She makes a ball cap look great.
• She loves Tex-Mex food (me, too- except I live in Canada. Drat.)
• She actually has a chin-up bar in one of the doorways in her home, and every time she walks by, she does a chin-up.
• She is one of the coolest moms I know, and inspires me to want to be the same.
• She has a thing for teeny-bopper music, and at the same time, she held her own in a music conversation with my hubby and introduced him to artists he'd never heard of (truly, amazing).
• She was an incredible teammate in the Philippines and it was so beautiful to see her love on the children there and connect for the first time with her mother's country of birth and the relatives she'd never met.
• She helps me get out of bed in the mornings.

So that last statement isn't exactly literal. She doesn't pull back the covers, turn on the lights and pass me a steaming mug all the way from Texas. However.

Helping Women All Over North America Stop Pushing That Snooze Button

See, Kat realized several years ago that when she got up in the mornings, before her children, she had time to spend with the Lord. In quiet. In prayer. In the Word. Praying for her children. Prepared to begin her day well, and not just as a grumpy mom that had been rudely awakened.

She began to look forward to her time in the mornings, and found that it made her a better mom and gave her the time that she needed to cultivate her relationship with the Lord. She began to exercise as well, and enjoyed the time to quietly reflect and just be by herself, before the day really got going. She even wrote a free ebook on the topic.

About a year ago (I believe), she and Michelle put together the first Maximize Your Mornings Challenge.

They grouped women together according to time zone, what time they wanted to wake up at, whether they wanted to use Facebook, Twitter or email. And Hello Mornings was born.

Why I'm Passionate About This Challenge

I have known for so many years that when I get up early, spend time with the Lord, spend time exercising, prepare myself for the day... I'm a better mom. I'm more at peace. My days tend to run more smoothly and calmly.

The challenge that I've had is making myself do it, consistently. Sure, I can do it for a few days, a few weeks. Then I get tired and I started to give up. I wake up early less frequently and I fall out of the habit.

There is something about the accountability of a group of ladies, also getting up early along with me, that spurs me on.

I was a part of the recent Hello Mornings challenge this May-August. Although I had a few bumps in the road and wasn't consistent like I wanted to be (trip to the Philippines only a few weeks in, then getting pregnant and going through 1st trimester sickness and fatigue), I was so grateful for the group. I could tell that, in any other season of life, this group could actually help me to stick to my goals of making my mornings count.

None of us were perfect. We all had mornings where we slept in, or struggled to wake up early. We would get off track, then work hard to get back on track. We prayed for each other, encouraged each other, and we all just kept fighting for it, together.

I was so delighted to learn that a new challenge is starting up in September. I signed up immediately, and now that I'm through 1st trimester and have more energy again, I am fully committed to getting up early every morning and being accountable to my group. In fact, I can't wait for it to begin!

Want to Join Hello Mornings?

The fall session runs from September 15- December 15. You can sign up for it here.

I guarantee that you won't regret it. There are no requirements, such as everyone must wake up at 5:30 or if you miss too many mornings, you're out. It's about making your own personal wake-up commitment that works for you and your season of life, and then doing your best to stick with it, having the help and encouragement of other women trying to do the same.

I'll definitely be there. I hope you'll join us!

So, how are your mornings really going for you? Are they a challenge? A success?

Top image by gui.tavares

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The kids talking to the judge at their adoption

Written by Beth Corcoran, Contributing Writer

Adoption is a topic that is very near and dear to my heart.  And for some time now, I’ve been itching to share my story and my unique family with you.  Today I get the chance!

I have been blessed to be part of an amazing and unique body of Believers that is passionate about adoption.  There are many, many adoptive and foster families at our church that have been a great encouragement through our journey of adoption. But I understand that this is very unique and that adoption may be something completely new or even mysterious to you.

While I don’t intend to run through the process of adoption today, I would definitely like to answer your questions if you want to know more about that aspect of adoption.  If there is something you would like to know more about, feel free to leave a comment.

Our Family’s Adoption Story

Our First Adoption

In 2006, after trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant, we decided to pursue infant adoption.  I think adoption to many is kind of a last resort, but thanks to the example of our amazing church friends, adoption seemed quite normal to us.  So we got our homestudy done and applied to an adoption agency.  Our little Isabella was born in May 2007 and we got to bring her home from the hospital.  The joy that came from that adoption was so intense, and I am so proud of Bella’s courageous birthmom who chose life for her baby.

In February of 2008, when Bella was just 9 months old, we dedicated her at our church.  Our pastor preached and challenged our church to not just say that we are pro-life, but to actually do something about it.  We left that day from church burdened, and less than a week later, we felt strongly that the Lord was calling us to adopt again—but this time, to adopt older children.

The first time I met my daughter

A Journey Into Older Child Adoption

We got our homestudy again, and after waiting for a reply from DHS for several months, we decided to try a private adoption agency in our state.  Although they primarily facilitate infant adoptions, we knew that they had done some older child adoptions before.  So, we sent our paperwork and family scrapbook to them in October of 2008.

On November 4, I was teaching Bible study at church, and someone anonymously left $100 for our adoption on the podium where I was teaching.  I was overwhelmed, especially since we hadn’t let anyone know that because we were choosing a private adoption rather than DHS, we would need a lot more money.  That afternoon, an anonymous check came in the mail.  It was for $4,000 and it said, “for your adoption” in the memo line.  All I can remember is just laying on the floor and weeping, thanking God for His overwhelming goodness to us.

The very next day, I got a call from the adoption agency, asking us if we would be willing to adopt 3 older children, who were 4, 5, and 6 years old at the time.  Concerned about how much adopting 3 children would cost, I asked.  They told me that they would waive the fees, and all we would have to pay is the attorney fees.  Which would total about $4,000.  God had provided us the exact amount we needed, and had also confirmed in our hearts that these children were to be part of our family.

Two days later, we welcomed Micah, Malachi and Liliana  into our family.  To say that this adoption changed things for us is an understatement.  It totally rocked our world.  We were quite unaware of the myriad issues that come along with older child adoptions—behavioral, emotional, physical, etc.  But the Lord has always been faithful to walk us through everything. Now, nearly 3 years later, things still aren’t completely “normal,” but what is “normal” anyway?!

Becoming a Foster Family

Then in late 2009, we heard a story on the news about how there aren’t enough foster families in our area, so babies will leave the hospital and go straight to a state run shelter.  This broke our hearts.  We were reminded of Proverbs 3:27 which says,

“Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it.”

So, we felt the Lord was calling us to become foster parents to babies. We did all the training and in April 2010, we got our first foster baby.  That placement lasted only one week.  After that, we stopped getting calls asking us to take babies.  Instead, we kept getting calls asking us to take older children.  Wanting to meet the need, we took two little boys, who were ages 2 and 4 at the time.

I wish I could tell you so much more about their story, but I’m sad to say that I can’t because technically they are still in foster care and I have to maintain their confidentiality.  But I am so happy to report that within the next week or two, we will be going to court to finalize their adoption! We are so happy that they get to be part of our family legally, since they have been part of our family in our hearts for so many months.

With the judge after finalizing our second adoption

Why Adopt?

I love to talk about why adoption is so wonderful!  It excites me every time!  There are many great and important reasons to adopt—besides the fact that you will have a new child!

A Glimpse of God’s Heart

Adoption has done more to help me to understand God’s heart more than anything else.  I have grown so much spiritually as a result of adoption.  You see, the very act of adoption mirrors what God has done for us through salvation.

Romans 8:15 says, "For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, “ Abba! Father!”

I remember looking on tiny baby Isabella and feeling such love for her, even though she hadn’t grown in my womb. Isn’t that how God is towards us?!

Older child adoption has given us a further glimpse into God’s immeasurable love for us.  It’s easy enough to love a tiny (and adorable, I might add!) baby, but it is a completely different thing to love and care for a child who returns your love with hatred and disobedience and is bent on destroying everything in sight because of his anger.  But God has given us a heart to love our children despite those things.

And when I get really frustrated with the latest unimaginable thing one of my kids has done, God gently reminds me that He loves us even when we are in disobedience. Jesus died for us and called us while we were still sinners.  We didn't have to be perfect before God loved us.  When we disobey, He still calls us back into a loving relationship with him.  It’s been very convicting and humbling to see God’s heart through adoption.

Pro-Life Action

My husband and I are very involved with trying to end abortion in our country.  Just as our pastor challenged us a few years ago, I’d like to extend that challenge to you as well.  If you are pro-life, is it in word only, or is it in deed as well?  There are certainly many ways to be pro-life, but one very basic way is to adopt.  By providing a safe, loving and warm home for a child, you are providing a very courageous birthmom with the assurance that she made a good choice for her baby.

A Biblical Mandate

No, adoption is not mandated in the Bible, and you won’t hear me proclaiming that you need to go out and adopt in order to be obedient to the Bible.  However, throughout the Bible are many commands to Believers to defend the cause of the fatherless and the orphan.  Our family’s verse is James 1:27:

"Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world.”

One great way to visit orphans in their distress is to adopt.  There are so many hurting kids out there that so desperately want a loving home.

How to Get Involved With Adoption

For some of you reading this, you may know immediately that God has called you to adopt.

But, perhaps your children are grown and out of the house, and you don't want to adopt more. Or perhaps you have 10 kids already. Let's face it, not everyone is called by God to adopt. And that's fine. But we are all called, as Christians, to take care of orphans--however that looks.

For me, it undoubtedly is through adoption. But maybe for you, it is through giving money so others can adopt. Our adoption was made possible because someone obeyed God's calling of helping orphans by giving us money. Maybe you are supposed to start an orphanage. Or maybe you're supposed to start a ministry at your church. Who knows....it's different for everybody. But we're all supposed to be involved.

I'm curious...Have you adopted or known someone who has? I’d love to hear your stories!

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