Burnout. It's a word that highly ambitious and driven people like myself often think that we are immune to.
I have struggled with over-achieving and perfectionism for almost as long as I can remember. At the tender age of 12, I worked a steady babysitting job every morning and after school, while balancing schoolwork, private music lessons, city orchestra and serving in my church. Even in my 3rd and 4th years of university, I maintained a very full course load with a high GPA, volunteered at church, took on heavy leadership roles on campus, and worked significant part-time hours.
It's never really occurred to me to slow down much. Having a baby was a bit of a shocker, as I sought to coordinate caring for a baby, home and husband when I'd never really learned how. But I just added that to my list of things to learn to do, and continued on busily... it's what I had always done.
For reasons I can't explain, I have always struggled with setting limits for myself and taking on too much. Friends frequently tell me that they get tired just thinking about all of the things I try to do. Oddly enough, I haven't always found it tiring, but rather invigorating. Until this year.
Beginning with the birth of my youngest child in August 2009, I began a slow and steady downward descent. Never really resting after the birth, I started writing my book Real Food on a Real Budget a mere 6 days after she was born. Preserving and canning season hit, we walked with some friends through a season of difficulty, and then I was knocked out by a crazy throat infection and time in the hospital. Shortly after the busy holiday season, my husband's health issues worsened and he spent time in the hospital, and we lost two family members to cancer. Pushing on, I made plans to publish my book that spring, launch a second website, and attend a blog conference, all while preparing to move to a new home, accept homestay students and keep up with gardening in two places.
All these years of pushing myself too hard, then that long year of stress after stress after stress. I broke. Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually.
Despair began to set in. So did anger. And frustration. And impatience. And then depression.
Image by misteraitch
Wearing the Mask of "I'm Fine"
My sleep began to get more patchy and the struggles with insomnia increased. The tiredness left me more drained than I had ever felt in my life. I was hardly functioning. My brain was in a permanent fog. I was starting to feel like I was losing it and honestly, it wasn't pretty.
Still, I tried to keep up with things, only somewhat admitting that things were bad. Maybe I just need a better schedule, more self-discipline, more help around the house. I kept running both of my websites in such a way that most people probably never even guessed that I was struggling, except for the small things that I said here and there. Even many who knew me in real life only saw the phoney facade I put on, trying to pretend that all was well, although those closest to me knew better.
I stopped cooking like I usually do and dropped our style of eating down to survival mode for lack of time and energy. I did the bare minimum house cleaning, tried to simply keep the mess to a minimum, and we often pulled clean laundry out of baskets instead of drawers. I insanely still did almost all of the summer preserving that I had planned on doing, telling myself that I had to do it, tired or not.
I still couldn't keep up with everything on my plate, but I tried. Even as I struggled, I pushed myself, and pushed myself, and then pushed myself some more.
The Ugly Truth
I had pushed myself beyond my physical and emotional limits. Some circumstances were beyond my control, and others were due to my pride and my own desperate attempts to keep up with everything else that I told myself I needed to do. I was spiritually dry. I was not healthy and I was not coping with the everyday aspects of daily life, and I knew it.
I once read that good health is having the ability to do all of your regular, necessary activities, and enough reserves that you could temporarily cope with emergency or challenging situations. I had neither.
Through the stress (physical and emotional), the lack of sleep, a growing dependence on sugar and caffeine (things that I used to be able to say no to), and never allowing myself to actually just stop and be still, I led myself straight into what seems to be a fairly textbook case of adrenal fatigue, where your adrenal glands are drained and have nothing left to give your body because they have been over-stimulated due to stress, diet and other lifestyle and environmental factors.
Image by pasukaru76
Does This Sound Familiar to You?
Perhaps it's not business endeavors, but rather homeschooling planning, remodelling projects, overcommitment in church activities (yes, even serving others), or trying too hard to be the perfect mom and homemaker, that keeps you burning the candle at both ends and pushing yourself past what you can or should really be doing. Add in to that real life circumstances and challenges, like new babies or pregnancy, moving, job loss, financial difficulty, relational strain, serious illness, loss of loved ones and more (the things that you can't help or avoid), and it simply becomes too much.
A dear friend has been reminding me often of the need for margin in my life. I was too busy trying to squeeze everything into an unattainable, overloaded schedule, let alone planning for extra margin and time to deal with life's unexpected interruptions, sorrow and grief, or even needed times of relaxation and enjoyment with friends and family.
In various ways, both my husband and I realized over the course of this fall that it simply had to stop, for my own health and sanity, and for the sake of our family. We began making plans to cut back on my commitments, lighten my schedule, and allow me the margin I need to get back to health.
As of this month, our exit plan is taking full effect with me letting go of my second website (Saving Naturally) to new ownership, and reworking my schedule to allow for rest, recuperation and a return to doing things that bring me life and joy. I have plans to spend extra quality time with our family, to get us back onto the GAPS diet to address our current health concerns, to work a whole lot less, gradually get back into a regular routine (including consistent time with the Lord) and to otherwise not do much of anything beyond the basics.
Image by flik
Question to Ask Yourself
(some of which are taken from the book Tired of Being Tired, an excellent read for anyone who believes they may be suffering from adrenal fatigue)
- Do I blow past my own fatigue to finish the day's work?
- Am I working at my full capacity, or do I feel slowed down, sluggish, foggy and generally tired?
- Is my schedule realistic or am I trying to cram more into a day than I can actually accomplish?
- Do I tend to have higher expectations of myself than others have of me?
- Do I often feel compelled to only do work, but not allow myself times of fun or relaxation?
- Do I regularly put more on my to-do list than I could ever actually achieve (and then proceed to feel guilty about it)?
- Am I using stimulants (coffee, sugar, etc.) to try to push my body past its limits?
- Do I lay awake at night, thinking of the things I need to do?
- Am I easily irritated at my family or others, even when they haven't really done anything wrong?
- Do I feel anxious? Depressed? Angry? Hopeless?
- Has my time with God gone by the wayside, as I declare "I don't have time", while I frantically work away at everything else on my to-do list?
The point of these questions is to help you assess your own life, your heart and your health. Are there things that you need to let go of? Have you gotten to a place of burnout? And are you seeing the negative effects in your family, your home, your other relationship, your walk with the Lord?
This month at Keeper of the Home (and possibly extending even into February) our main topic will be general wellness and the delicate balance of maintaining good health. We'll look at getting quality sleep, how to include exercise in your days, what adrenal fatigue is and how to deal with it, the huge topic of depression (from both a spiritual perspective, as well as natural treatments and helps), a panel discussion on burnout and fatigue, and much more.
How would you answer some of those questions? Is the topic of burnout and fatigue one that resonates with you?
Top image by through my eyes
Other Related Posts You may Enjoy
- What is "Real" Health?
- The Benefits of Sleep: 8 Benefits for Getting Quality Sleep
- What it Means to Be Well
- Developing the Exercise Habit
- Staying Motivated to Excercise
- Finding Fulfillment in Being A Mother Only
- Naturally Neutralizing Stress: Herbs that Calm
- The Terrible Thirst of Depression
- Treating Depression Naturally: Supplements, Herbs, and Foods for Feeling Better
- Panel Discussion on Burnout and Fatigue: 3 Women Get Real About Their Struggles part one and part two
- What is Adrenal Fatigue and Do I Have It?
- Adrenal Fatigue: Help and Resources for Healing
I'd love to know what your rest time looked like! I've been struggling for nearly 3 years now...well longer than that, but 3 years that I've known why and been actively addressing the issues. I know for most of us, just "stopping" isn't really an option, but where did you cut back, what got put on hold, etc? How did you get the rest you need? My struggle is getting my brain to rest. I can sit perectly still and my brain is going 120mph. I need to get over this-anything you could share would be greatly appreciated!
Wow, Stephanie! I read this last year, but I really needed to read it again....and then you became pregnant after all that! I hope you are doing much better now (you seem to be!). This really spoke to me. I've been perusing some of your adrenal fatigue posts the past few days (you know, the ones I skimmed before...tucked away b/c "they didn't apply to me."). With the recent discovery of my thyroid disfunction (as well as low vitamin D levels...despite 1,000 ius/day--I'm taking 4,000 now!), I'm definitely relating more to these posts now!
I struggle with trying to keep the girls healthy--to the neglect of my own health. Like I wrote here last month, I think part of my baby's health issues last winter was BECAUSE I wasn't looking after myself! Since I now know what's really been going on in my body, I'm looking forward to a fresh start in 2012.
Thanks for being so real and vulnerable!
Stephanie, I can so relate! I went through the same things back in 2006, 2007, 2008 and into 2009. I have chronic health issues and found myself - more than once - being bed ridden and very, very ill - still trying to maintain perfection! I still struggle with overcommitments, but for now things seem better. I told my husband I couldn't do it all any more and I stopped trying (for the most part!) I wrote about it in my workbook Spring Cleaning for the Heart and Home. Half of my problem is other people's expectations, but I do put a lot of pressure on myself as well.
I hope you find balance and renewed health!!
Melissa Ringstaff
@Melissa Ringstaff, It's definitely hard to let go of other's expectations for us, isn't it? It's tough to learn to care more about what the Lord thinks of us, rather than having a fear of man. For me, it's probably more about the pressure I put on myself, but I definitely hear you. It sounds like you're learning and changing, though, through God's grace! :)
I'm so glad a friend introduced me to your site! I could have written everything you have about fatigue and burnout word for word. I think people are really shocked when I explain to them that running myself ragged for so many years has actually taken a toll on my health and I am now having to get my body back in balance because of those health issues. But like you are doing, I hope to reach and help other women dealing with similar issues.
One of the greatest gifts we can give one another is the removal of our masks, willingness to be vulnerable and transparent with one another. Thank you so much for your honesty and transparency.
I too have struggled with being on the verge of burn out this past year and I am taking a sabbatical from leadership and administrative roles. Serving where I can do something practical and encourage others is just what I needed! I help out in little ways to encourage others here where I serve as a missionary, but I don't feel guilty about taking the time to rest.
Three things I have done to help get more rest: take my calcium at night, drink chamomile tea when I need to rest, and relax in bed in the afternoon, deliberately quieting my thoughts until I can just be still!
I can so relate with your story Stephanie! I also recovering from a very bad case of adrenal fatigue. The chronic insomnia part was the worst. It's so hard to function on 2 - 3 hours a night. Thankfully I'm able to sleep again.
Right now I'd say I'm about 90% recovered. I've had a few setbacks because lately there's been one major crisis in my life after another. But I'm doing everything I can to recover completely. Limiting my commitments, going to bed early enough (by 9 or 9:30), and exercising outdoors has been especially helpful. That and taking adrenal tonic herbs such as Siberian ginseng and Ashwagandha from time to time. Need to be more regular with that though.
My heart goes out to you. Be encouraged though. It DOES get better over time. I'm sure that all the changes you'll be making will help tremendously.
Thank you once again for your vulnerable honesty. I too fall into the category of driven overachiever. This past holiday season, I had taken on too much at home and ministry, my husband got stranded on a missions trip in Haiti for an extra week and I nearly lost it! Last week I was sacked with a seemly simple cold that just sapped all my energy. I'm still recovering and not feeling 100% But in my several afternoons in bed, I realized that, indeed, life was continuing to carry on even without my constant contribution. And God used those moments to show me that I was again using productivity and busyness to fuel my self worth and avoid pain and problems.
I pray that we will all learn to rest in our Savior. That we will learn to take His yoke this year. And that he will be strong in our weakness.
God bless you.
Stephanie,
I could have written your post. The circumstances were different, but I pushed myself to the limit and beyond, and in my pride, pushed until I fell apart, literally, in a mid-year review with my boss. I have actually been on medical leave since end of July.
I have been in recovery since then, blogging through the journey, learning more about myself and how to avoid reaching that point ever again. I am actually doing an 8 week Journey to Balance challenge on my blog to help others not reach that point or to return from it.
I pray that you can start to regain some health and strength. It is very important that you take care of yourself and learn to say NO (which it sounds as if you are!). Be sure to see a doctor to rule out anything!
Blessings!
Bernice
I have been struggling with this same issue over the past year and a half. I have three small children. I was teaching parttime at a local Christian school, which I quit to homeschool. I am also a pastor's wife, and extremely involved in all aspects of our church. In fact, I regularly log in 40+ hours of unpaid time helping my husband with church-related activities. I cook naturally, organically from scratch, garden, preserve, etc. Sometimes I would describe my energy level as "running on fumes." I get to the point where everything I do is done poorly, and I am then consumed with guilt. Also, a significant amount of pride is involved. It pains me even to type this admission, but some of the things I do, though I claim I am just "trying to be the best wife possible to please my husband and the Lord," I am actually doing for the approval of others. I want my mother-in-law to see a sparkling clean home. I want my mother to see my children eating freshly baked bread from fresh ground flour. I want the members of our church to see my happy, meticulously clean children, and to hear how smart they are, so they know I am a good homeschooling mom. Oh the shame of it!
The problem is, right now, I've committed to things and I can't see a quick easy way out. The only thing I could quit cold turkey, is the crazy food prep I put myself through. But that's the part of my life I don't WANT to quit. It's the one thing right now that I'm doing that brings me great joy! (Besides homeschooling.)
So I've committed my time to God in prayer. I want Him to do the leading. I know that He will direct me to do the things HE wants me to do, and gently push me out of the ones I'm doing of my own accord. I will pray for you in your endeavor to manage your time appropriately, and the others who have commented here with similar situations. Will you pray for us, too? We all need it!
@Amy Clark, I will certainly be praying for all of us. You're right-- we all need it! Thanks for sharing so openly. :)
Thank you for this- this past fall and currently this sounds very familiar. I work outside the home and the last few months my husband has been on the opposite shift as us so we don't see him during the week, then they adjusted his schedule to work on Saturdays. Between work, getting to three kids appt.'s, homework, friends, one activity each and trying to eat healthy, I am worn. Like you then I volunteer to add more on top of this because I have guilt I am not doing more. Just this morning I was downstairs crying for some time feeling I just need to release this. Because of this for the last few months my migraines are getting worse and almost every weekend now.
Fortunately in the next few months things will change. My husbands job will get to as close as normal hours as the job can and we made the choice (several months ago) I would take a leave of absence from my job at the end of the school year (I'm a teacher) and be a stay at home mom for some time. But I thank you for this information, I will do more research and make sure this does not get worse. I am glad you and your husband will doing this together and enjoy the lighter load! What a blessing!
Stephanie, Wow!
I am where you were but I refuse to move to where you are.
This is what I've been thinking about and blogging about the past few weeks. I have a trackback for ya: http://brightapproach.blogspot.com/2011/01/burn-out.html
I just wrote a post about my own burnout.
http://theonewithallthekids.blogspot.com/2011/01/quoting-thoreau-and-meaning-it-this.html
I am sad to see so many others in the same boat. Prayers for all of us!
It's so easy for moms or even stay @ home dads to get to the point of burn out. Whether it's to prove to ourselves or others we can do it all and keep it all together to be the super-mom/dad. We don't want others to think we just lie around all day doing nothing (which if you have little ones around that's the farthest thing from the truth) but others who haven't had the priviledge of doing our daily routines for a whole week will never begin to grasp what we really do all day. At any other jobs by law they are suppose to give you breaks throughout your work day, where at home whose going to tell you to stop for 10-15 minutes get a snack, take a break I'll take over for you. Many don't have that luxury. I'm so glad you blogged on this subject, it's always encouraging to know we're not alone, and that if others share how there is a way out...we won't be in this same season all our lives:)
I have just been diagnosed with autoimmune thyroiditis, adrenal fatigue, and hormonal balance. I was exhausted. The doctor had me remove all grains from my diet and do a cleanse. I have read that it is very important to avoid gluten.
Here is a book that has really helped http://www.thyroidbook.com/
Thanks so much sharing all of this. I have a feeling many mamas out there deal with this same issue. That period of time after having my third child was the toughest for me out of all my children. While I am not sure if I had adrenaline fatigue it was still a very lonely, depressed, discouraged time in my life. We need more blog posts like this to let new mothers know that they are not alone if they have these kind of experiences! God bless you for your willingness to share. I'll be praying for you!
Thanks for this post. I have been struggling along in survival mode this past year, but finally figured out it was thyroid and adrenal fatigue. After starting on supplements (through Nature's Sunshine) I felt like a new person in 4 DAYS!! I've been doing great since then, but have a few years worth of catching up to do in my life. My fatigue was caused by 3 kids who didn't sleep until they were two (and by then the next baby was here), never giving my body a chance to recover. The fog has lifted, and I actually wore myself out physically that first week of feeling good as my body couldn't keep up with my motivation and zest! Blood tests at the Dr. often don't diagnose levels as low, until they are very low. Mine tested normal, but obviously weren't. I'm exercising again, which I couldn't have even had the energy to think about before.
Thx for your honesty about this! There are so many times that I feel like the only one who pushes myself so hard & tries to do everything AND to do it perfectly. I had finally managed to settle into a good routine with our 4th child being 2 years old and us all on the GAPS diet. We felt great, homeschooling was going great & I was starting to get my energy back as well as my joy!
And then we became pregnant with our 5th child & everything fell apart! I couldn't maintain the GAPS diet anymore & suffered great guilt about feeding my kids non-GAPS food due to my 1st trimester fatigue. I let processed foods back into my own diet just so that I wouldn't puke through the 1st trimester & by the 2nd trimester I was hooked on them, exhausted,and feeling like everything was falling apart. Homeschooling my 2 oldest became survival mode & blogging has practically stopped & my social action with others became almost none. I now can see that this is as close ot depression as I have ever been.
We are 3 weeks from having this baby. I am still worried about how hard it will be to balance everything. But I am looking forward to getting past the tough months & trying to get back into a healthy GAPS diet and a healthy balance of life. Now that I know what health looks like - real health - I hope to get back there with my family soon...cuz I know I couldn't stay in this rut for too much longer. It's great to know that I'm not alone. Thank you for your encouragement & your posts!
Andrea (mom24 soon to be mom25!)
@mom24, I didn't know you were expecting again- congrats!
I get that not-doing-GAPS-guilt. I've been there the past 6 months, and I hate watching my kids and hubby struggle with their health because I can't do it. My husband has tried really hard to released me, though, and I've just had to really let go and trust in the Lord's care for them, even when it's goo much for me.
Praying that after this baby is born, you'll be able to get back to a better place. You're certainly not alone, hon! :)
Stephanie-
This couldn't be any more timely for me to read. I have been walking aroudn in a fog for the past few months. I too gave birth in 2009 to numbers 3&4 (yes, twins). I agonized for months arranging for a home birth. People came with meals and my husband helped wash diapers but I 've been the one up every night since they were born with no breaks. I went back to work full time when they were 4 months and was heartbroken and exhausted. I don't know how I didn't make any mistakes during that time. By the time they were 9 months old I called it quits and took a part time job after a month at home. At first the depression lifted and I was feeling better but over the past few months it has come back with a vengeance. And because I get interrupted sleep EVERY night, I don't really know if it's depression vs sleep deprivation vs CFS or adrenal fatigue or what.
I've had my thyroid tested, my blood counts, etc and it all comes back normal. I am going to the doc again then end of the month.
I keep thinking that I'm not doing enough, that if I could just pull myself together and get out of the house (with two babies-ha!) more often, I'd feel better. If I got more organized, I'd feel better. If I ate better, lost the last 10 or so pounds, exercised, etc etc etc-I'd feel better. I am beginning to think that it will take an act of God at this point.
I still have one twin who just doesn't sleep well at night. Some nights I am up every hour or two. My husband tries to help but her fussing wakes me up whether he's getting up with her or I am and to be honest, he doesn't cope well at all with it and it really is better if I just get up with her since I am awake anyway and am much more calm with being aroused at night (or half dead, whichever it is...).
I used to get so much done and I am still trying to do more but I feel like I am able to do less and less. Like one of the other women who posted above, I've held a job since age 14 and usually have worked two or more jobs at a time. I've never had such a lack of energy and excitement about everything, ever. At age 15 months and counting, my babies need a mommy who can keep up with them and can provide a stimulating environment. right now, I'm happy that they get fed and changed and bathed on occasion! I love reading because I can sit with them but once I stop moving it takes everything I have to get back up to do anything.
It sounds like I am not alone and in a warped way that's comforting. I wouldn't wish this on anyone but at least maybe through this we can find help. I just want the oomph back to do what I want to do an need to do. Thank you for the encouragement this is giving me that there is still hope! I'm praying too. I know I am never alone!
@Elizabeth, Elizabeth, my oldest son didnt/wouldnt sleep through the night either. He was up every 3 hours and I finally had had it. When he was 14 months old (I still cant believe we waited that long!) we paid a sleep consultant to help us out. It took about two weeks to set everything up with her and within 5 days of implementing her plan he was sleeping through the night. Best $300 we ever spent! She has two websites helensands.com and hushababy.com. If you havent looked into that option, I would highly recommend it, for everyone's sanity. Good luck!!
@Elizabeth,
Elizabeth,
I totally understand- you are not alone! I went through the same thing when I had my twins. Having two babies to care for is so overwhelming and exhausting, plus you already have two! My twins are almost 2 now, and only recently have I started feeling better (and I still have my days where I don't feel ok!). Hang in there! Once my girls were born, I had to feed them every 1 1/2 hours around the clock, so from the very beginning, I was exhausted. I was breastfeeding, so I tried to do everything myself. I felt like my husband was on a different planet - he didn't seem to understand how completely exhausted I was, so things with us were tense and that made me feel worse. I went back to work when they were 6 months old, and they still got up twice each night - AND my husband travels for business Monday through Fridays, so I had to do everything myself, plus go to work. I was a zombie. My girls didn't sleep through the night (one or the other was always up) until they were about 1. When they were 10 months old, I literally got sick from being so exhausted and pretty much had a breakdown at work. I was so exhausted I felt like I was in a fog, and I couldn't stop crying all the time. Our family was literally in a crisis mode - I couldn't function anymore. I made my husband move our family to Chicago, where my parents were, because I literally felt like I couldn't care for the babies anymore without full time help. I have never felt physically so awful in my life.
I don't think there is anything wrong with you other than you are totally and completely TIRED, which makes anyone feel depressed and emotional. You cannot think clearly when you are so tired. I promise, it eventually gets better. I started to see a difference once they started sleeping through the night at 12 months, and then walking at 16 months - somehow it made the days a little easier, like going somewhere or even just playing in the house. Now at 22 months, it is definitely starting to get easier.
One thing that REALLY helped me (since my girls were awful sleepers) was a book on sleeping specifically geared towards twins. It was called "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Twins" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. There is a book by him for single babies, but I was so happy to find his twin version! My mom helped me follow the book and get my girls on a coordinated sleep schedule, including naps. The trick here is that when they sleep at the same time, you can get some rest (or have some time for your other children). If you have any questions, feel free to email me! I hope you start to feel better soon!
Marcie
@Elizabeth, You're so not alone, and gosh, having twins as #3 and #4 would be hard on anybody. Give yourself lots of grace. Hopefully you'll find some useful information this month!
@Elizabeth,
Just wanted to tell you about the thyroid testing, have them check your second and third thyroid levels; you are looking for "subclinical thyroid" problems. They can also do an ultrasound of your gallbladder and look for sludge or stones that can also be an indicator that there is a thyroid problem.
I know that I am currently in a similiar situation with my 8 month old and never sleeping and as I stop breastfeeding I am feeling more and more depressed. I don't know if it's hormones, ppd, thyroid, depression, cfs, etc. I know that right now I feel like it may never end, but I have hope that it will. It's so frustrating though. I can't imagine having two babies right now. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Thanks for this post Stephanie. I'm glad you are finding ways to restore your heart, mind and family.
I can definitely relate. Depression and fatigue are nearly daily struggles. Thank you for your post and I'm excited to learn more in the days and weeks ahead. God bless!
Thank you for doing this post and series. I hit a similar wall this past year as well. And now I'm much more likely to spot the symptoms in friends. I'll be passing this information on. Blessings to you!
I love that you are opening up this dialogue. Thank you for being willing to open up and share your journey with us.
I am really excited about this month!!!
The greatest gift we can give our family is a healthy mother, both in mind, spirit and body.
Thanks again ;)
Wow, I really needed this. Thank you.
Thanks so much for sharing this. You described what I experienced almost exactly. The trigger for me was our adoption of a 4yo boy from Lithuania and nothing with the experience or period of adjustment went as I EXPECTED. I had always been an independent CAN-DOer, but that shut me down. I struggled along in barely surviving mode for about 1 1/2 years.
Bless you for admitting your need--for your sake and the sake of your family. In my case everyone suffered. Thankfully things are much better, but without a vigilance on my part and my husband's part, I could easily slip back again.
Praying for you as you seek the right balance.
Stephanie, I'm just so glad that you're willing to be honest and set some new boundaries for yourself and your family! I share your personality ... until 2009 when my daughter was born, I had held down a paying job since I was about 13, with almost no interruptions in employment of some kind. I had a demanding job managing a recording studio until the last few weeks of my pregnancy. I had a 4.0 in college, I served in my church, etc. etc. etc. At some points in my life, I was working two or three different jobs to meet my financial needs. Suddenly stopping to stay home was a much more difficult thing than I expected it to be.
The temptation I struggle with is approaching motherhood and homemaking with that same "perfect or die trying" mentality that I had toward education and career. It's been a long, slow journey to let go of those habits and embrace the fact that sometimes my house will be a mess, we'll eat white carbs for dinner and I'll turn on the TV to entertain my daughter instead of reading an educational book to her. This isn't to say that a healthy, well-balanced home is impossible - just that sometimes you can't control every variable that comes your way.
To be honest, I've read your blog and a host of others with similar themes and wondered how in the world you and all these other women were doing so much without falling apart. I don't even attempt half as many things as you do and I can still barely remember to brush my teeth, much less run two websites and manage three young children. I'm really proud of you for taking some time to breathe and recover. Good for you!
Dr. Burns writes some excellent books about common cognitive distortions that trap us into cycles of anxiety and depression. These distortions aren't exactly styles of irrational thinking. They are extremely common, but harmful if we don't get a lot of positive feedback as well. I hope you will look into them.
Is this the same thing as chronic fatigue syndrone? I have read about that and it sounds like the same thing.
@Carole, I don't know that they are technically the same. They are certainly related, and I think that many with adrenal fatigue are also classified as having chronic fatigue syndrome, but I don't think that they are one and the same. I'll do some more looking into that as I write up my post on adrenal fatigue. Good question!
@Carole, I have CFS. From my understanding adrenal fatigue leads to CFS, but that you can have adrenal fatigue without CFS. CFS is a more advanced adrenal fatigue. Thats the basic way it was explained to me, anyways.
Thanks for sharing your story. I live this way too - trying to keep up with all I feel I NEED to do and continually adding new projects on top of everything else. (My first year of high school my friends were buying me books "for women who do too much" you would think by now I would have got a handle on this thing but it is such an easy trap to fall into and a hard pit to climb out of.) Finding balance is a journey I am still on, and the temptation is always great when you let go of some things to fill up the empty space with more. (I don't think I know HOW to sit down and rest anymore....) Sometime I wonder if God is tired of granting me reprieve from some of my burdens only to see me pick up more. I am so thankful for your willingness to share your journey with us. I hope we can all learn from each other. And I earnestly hope for you that you are back to health and wellness very soon.
Stephanie,
I can definitely relate to this!!! The birth of my third child has throw me for a loop :) My list of things to do is always mammoth!
I feel so proud of you for letting some things go and making such an effort to regain the health and strength of your body and spirit. Giving up things can be so hard!
I've been praying for you and will continue to do so.
You are a wonderful encouragement to me :)
@Stacy @ Delighting in the Days, Thanks, sweet Stacy. :) Hope that you are enjoying your vacation time with your family right now!
I have so been there (and in some ways, I still am). Looking forward to your series on general health/well-being.