I was doing some meal planning the other night, and for some reason, this post popped into my head. It was a really good reminder for me that as I serve my family in the kitchen, I need to keep being intentional to bless my husband with what I make. Hope this post serves as a loving reminder for you, too! :)
Originally Published October 2008
Image by robyn michelle-lee photography
I haven't been all that happy with the food I've been preparing
lately. Not because it isn't healthy, or frugal, or because it takes
too much work, or anything like that. Not even because it doesn't taste
good to me (because it does).
I made a realization, though. Over
the last year or so, I have slowly shifted away from making many of the
simple, basic, North American style meals that my husband loves. In
favor of that, I have moved towards more ethnic meals, more beans and
legumes, more experimenting, and less sticking with what we know and
love.
This past month, I started really noticing that my
husband hasn't been as keen on my cooking. In fact, neither have my
kids. It's harder to make use of the leftovers in the fridge, so I end
up eating most of them myself. I miss the rave reviews, and the hugs
and kisses when my husband comes home from work and sees what's waiting
for him.
The GirlTalkers are exploring the Proverbs 31 woman right now, and the past two weeks they've been focusing on this verse:
She does him GOOD, and not harm, all the days of her life." Proverbs 31:12
It's
been revealing and convicting for me, in many regards. The one that
really hit me yesterday was that making all the healthy and interesting
dishes in the world is just a complete waste if it isn't doing good to the most important man in my life!
So
there's a shift taking place. Last night while my husband was out at an
event, I spent a lot of time writing out a list of meals that I think
would serve him better, meals that he would be excited to eat once
again. They don't sound quite as healthy, but in actuality they can all be made with nourishing ingredients,
and have generous helpings of salad and veggies added to their sides
(and my hubby loves veggies, so that's not a problem at all).
My new meal plans will include a lot more dishes like: taco salad, fajitas, roast beef, homemade pizza, lasagna, quesadillas, beef stew, grilled cheese and homemade tomato soup, meatballs, turkey stromboli, salmon or chicken kebabs, cheesy beef and rice, spaghetti with tomato sauce, mashed potatoes, butter chicken, burritos, and I'm sure you get the point.
Sure,
I'll still make the odd lentil or butternut squash soup, or cold rice
and bean salad, or the like. Mostly, though, I will be refocusing my
efforts on making these comfort foods that he really loves, with high
quality ingredients and nourishing methods, along with a really good
variety of veggies alongside them. I already examined my budget to see
how I could make this work, and it's tight (not that it wasn't before),
it requires more discipline and intentionality, but I think it will be
alright. (And a huge thanks to Laura, whose meal plans, recipes and Getting Real with Food series were such an invaluable help to me last night!)
Best
of all, I told my husband what I was thinking, and read him the list of
meals I had put together. He smiled, and the relief was so evident, not
just in his face, but his whole body relaxed. He said he would love it
if I made meals like that all the time. I could instantly see that this
change was truly doing my husband good.
It's okay to want to
challenge our families a bit, and make new and interesting and
nutritious dishes. But our priority is still to serve our husbands (and
our children, though I do believe their tastes need to be guided by us
for the most part). If what we're making just isn't doing it for him,
then something needs to change.
I want to truly "do him GOOD", and that includes what I do in my kitchen.
Does
the food that you're serving bless your husband? Are you trying to make
healthy changes that he is resisting? How have you learned to balance
improving your diet with making food that he still loves?
I just stumbled on this and really needed to hear it. I get so caught up in trying to cook/shop as healthy as I can that I forget what he really wants. I have tried to start finding ways to make his favorites healthier. My project now is to find homemade cinnamon rolls that he loves as much as the store bought kind. I figure that even if its loaded up with fat homemade will have so many fewer chemicals!
i think alot of women are missing out these days on how satisfying it can be to see a truly happy man at the dinner table ! Recently my husband , the carnavor, found out he has high cholesterol, i knew i had to change my cooking habits and i have found that with alittle bit of thought it really isn't that hard to adabt old recipes to be more healthy, soup is one of my husbands favorite meals so i have been experimenting with new recipes and so far every one has been a hit, it also forces him to eat vegetables,their just to much trouble to pick out of soup!
This was a timely post for me to read as I've been struggling with menu planning lately as well. I'm trying to make our meals more interesting but sometimes I feel like I totally miss the mark. Also it never fails that I make something I think DH will like and it ends up he's working late and the kids don't want to even try what I've made (they are 6 and 3).
Another person commented on running their menu plan by DH - I think that I will try to get next weeks menu done earlier and get his input on it before I finalize it. Also I think doing what you did by making up a list of your family's/DH's favorites is a great idea.
I have a old cook book that has in there Men Rants, and one of the rants is the loss of good ol home cooking and that " real men" crave big hearty meals not fancy ones... I chuckle because I m in the same boat as you were posting this.. So tonight I made Fish, Sweet Potatoes and Green beans... Family was happy..!
One of the easiest, least expensive meals one could make is authentic Mexican beans and rice, and thankfully, my husband LOVES it (not my favorite, though). I like Mrs. Price's idea of running the menu by my husband before I shop. I usually just ask if there is anything he wants at the store just as I am flying out the door. I know he loves to cook, and would like some ingredients he could freely use laying around the house for when the urge hits him (usually the food is all "reserved" for a meal or recipe). I'm going to have to think on how to start incorporating him and his likes more increasingly into my meal plans/grocery purchases. Thanks for always keeping us on target with God's Word and will for our lives Stephanie!
My husband likes meals like this too (and actually, so do I). I try to make them as healthy as possible by using whole grain everything and using whole foods. We do occassionally use some processed ingredients, but it's not a lot.
The more unusual dishes are usually tested out on hubby as a side dish, with food I know he likes. If he really likes the unusual item I'll add it in more often.
Take Care,
Trixie
Thanks for sharing this. I've struggled with the same thing off and on over the past 16 months of our marriage. And I've also noticed that the more I get into health & nutrition/"Nourishing Traditions" style of cooking and eating, the less regard I give to my husband's wishes as far as the food we eat. I definitely have my own agenda and many weeks, don't serve any meals that he truly enjoys.
I'm trying to get back to the basics and what I know he enjoys. Last night I fixed one of his favorites: tostadas. It was so nice to see him really enjoy dinner again, and I can make some healthy changes to make it more nourishing at the same time. This was truly a blessing to read!
I wanted to thank you for the reminder of Prov 31:12.
A few months ago I realised my husband wasn't really happy with what I was preparing. I put it down to culture shock (American boy married an Aussie girl) and living together as newly weds and my near vegetarian menu.
so I changed the menu and started preparing some meals that his mother would regularly prepare and finding out which meals he'd enjoy without meat.
we've been working together to create weekly menus which have saved us time and money and most importantly have us sharing and enjoying food more.
I hadn't connected the the dots between preparing our meals with serving my man and I need to study and meditate on it more.
Lol... thats too funny because I just did that same thing this weekend for my family. I too haven't been happy with the food I've been making. I decided to perfect the homemade meals my hubby and I know and love. I'm going "package free" so I will make everything from the bread for the bread crumbs to the cream of soup that I'll use in my potato casseroles. (Ok I'm still going to buy cream cheese, sour cream, butter, and reg cheese) but I decided this was as good a starting place as any. I guess I still figure they're healthy because there's no other processing or artifical ingreds. Well we'll just have to see how this works huh!
When planning my menu I always run it by my husband. HE really appreciates it and I know my cooking will be eaten. He is not as picky as I am, so I have tried new things. Who knew fish could actually taste good??? Thank you for reposting your oldies but goodies!!!!
Thank you for this. Lately, I have started trying to do little things to build my husband up. I felt a little silly at first (well, maybe I still do), and thought he might think that I was being stupid, but I'm finding that he really likes it. Little things like always asknig him how his basketball game went, telling him 'great job' when he finishes the crossword. It was the crossword thing that I thought he might think was silly, but now he always make sure I know he finished, so I think he likes it. :) After 16 years of marriage, it's too easy to not notice or appreciate each other. The really nice thing is - it comes back to me.
When we met I was vegan and my husband, being from Africa, regularly ate veg. sauces, beans and rice so that helped (as in he has never been into eating burgers or junk foods). Still, I tend to go more radical and my family rebels a bit. It is so nice, as you've said, to have your boys pleased by the foods you provide (my husband and teenage son seem to care more about food than us girls) and I try and incorporate more "North American" favorites into my cooking- including meat- but this is a learning curve for me as I don't eat meat myself. I also like simple foods such as homemade soup and bread and my husband always balked at soup (he thinks it's not REAL food :))... all of a sudden this summer he told me he wouldn't mind if once/wk we have soup/bread for supper. Still, each time it is served he screeches in terror... for the children's benefit I suppose... but has learned to enjoy it.
Right on the mark Stephanie! I am really enjoying your blog!
Blessings,
Camille
Whenever I make something my husband really likes - and I mean really likes - he says "that's a keeper", which is his message that he'd like to see that recipe again and again. I make note of it and move it to my "Family Recipe Book". I still try to make one new dish a week to get them to try something new ( thus the phrase 'that's a keeper' comes into play). As far as introducing new food items such as whole grains, a new vegetable, a different type of sweetener, etc., I do so very gradually so everyone can get use to it slowly and not be overwhelmed.
It is a huge blessing to be able to serve our husbands/family in a way that nourishes their soul as well as their body. Great post!
I can count on it. Any suggestion I ask him for will most likely be "Cheeseburgers". I almost don't even have to ask anymore. I know if I would make them once a week (which I don't) he would be "way too happy". In effort to be healthier... we do use 100% whole wheat hamburger rolls. Making sure that the veggies are always included; such as tomato, green leafy lettuce and red onion...pickles.
He's funny... But I love to bless him. I love it that he'll eat anything and not complain (or is picky) - especially if I try to concoct something on my own. Other favorites are Lasagana or Salad.
I remember this post too...its a good reminder for me as well. Ever since you wrote this I have strived to serve my husband more in what I make. I find this most difficult, actually, in areas where he likes things that take a lot more work, and also, in things that he likes to have around but that aren't what I would call "healthy" like packaged cereals and homemade regular sugar cookies. He really believes in health stuff but just not as extreme as me. I've had to compromise on some things, like with the cereal, I often buy it but buy the (slightly more expensive) brand that doesn't have additives, but still has the sugar. Its hard on me. I know I can serve things that have more nutrition for the money...but... I'm also working on cookies that don't use white sugar that he actually likes. I think its a bit of compromise that ends up serving our husbands as well. Nutrition is one thing but a happy husband and marriage is very important.